Bossy vs. Leader

November 23, 2024

Hello, brothers, sisters, and Heartdwellers family. When given the opportunity to lead others, may it be from a place of love.

We had a community gathering online for a surprise birthday celebration within the group one of the intercessors had planned for me, and everyone was given to say a word about me. It was such a sweet surprise and a sweet time of fellowship. However, when it got to one of the soul, all the things they mentioned were so negative. It became like a roast rather than a celebration as everyone laughed and smiled pleasantly but I wasn’t because I felt there was something more going on in this soul's heart. And it wasn’t the first time. Some of the things he mentioned really bothered me although it shouldn’t—but it did—and I couldn't shake it off. I called one or two in the group to see if the comments made them feel uncomfortable and they said they recognized it too. I went to the Lord about it wondering if it was my flesh or something that needed to be addressed. The Lord made it clear it needed to be addressed. I had prayed and battled with it for a few days wondering, “Well maybe some of the things are true,” and if I needed to change. Lord, help me.

I was led to a website where that gave 10 behavioral traits of being bossy vs. leadership. Don’t laugh at me guys, I had to. The title said,

Boss vs Leader: 10 Behaviour Differences

Are you a boss or a leader?

A boss is typically someone who manages others through positional power.

If you are a boss, it's easy to assume you are automatically a leader. However, not everyone who is a boss is a leader.

It's also easy to assume that being a boss is bad, and that everyone needs to be a leader. Different situations call for different responses. Sometimes you need to be the boss but in many cases, leadership leads to better results for you and the team.

Contrasting the typical behavior of a boss vs. a leader can help you reflect on your current situation. Do you behave more like a boss or a leader?

1. A boss holds power. A leader gives it away.

2. A boss chooses you. A leader is chosen by you.

3. A boss manages. A leader leads.

4. A boss commands. A leader coaches.

5. A boss tells. A leader asks.

6. A boss is rigid. A leader is flexible.

7. A boss controls uncertainty. A leader embraces uncertainty.

8. A boss dictates. A leader inspires.

9. A boss focuses on deadlines. A leader focuses on outcomes.

10.A boss assumes trust. A leader earns trust.

Vert interesting. I saw myself in a couple of those, some good, and some bad.

Now living a religious life and being a spiritual mother, is a whole different kind of thing, and it’s slightly different, which I will discuss at the end.

I have been wounded several times in the role of leadership walking with the Lord with souls who would oppose, resist, or undermine me in one way or the other. There have been times when I have been corrected by the Lord as well. Either way, it hasn’t been easy at all. It's a touchy spot so I wanted to really get the Lord's perspective.

I then talked to another soul who has been walking with me for a long time and has seen my ins and outs—all of it—and they referenced the fact that I was bossy, and others had said it too. I then asked that soul if they had ever heard a man being called bossy. They said no, besides themselves calling a male bossy. I realized I didn’t like that word at all and it was almost always referenced to female leadership, as I made the soul understand. A man is a leader when he takes the bull by the horns and takes the reigns to lead others. A woman does that, oh she is bossy. As I told this soul and pondered these things.

You see on the mountain there had been an issue before I left the community where many of the men in the community had rallied in grumbling and complaining that there was only female leadership but no males to be called Father. However, when I prayed and assessed all who were grumbling the Lord revealed a deeper issue that they all had wounds incurred by a women from their past or female leadership that caused them to be wounded in this way. So, I addressed them to deal with the issues of their heart.

I share this because the Lord said he is raising up a great company of women in the last days who will preach the gospel. Our male counterparts will rather play a supportive role which nonetheless strips them of the honor and respect they rightly have as the head over us. But we must be careful even now as the enemy is looking to sow seeds in the hearts of many without even knowing it concerning female leadership.

Sure enough, after receiving this message, I finally addressed the soul in our group and he is such a beautiful soul with a beautiful heart. I am so glad all of this was brought up because I got to know him in a deeper vulnerable way as he shared all the things Jesus mentioned about their soul, was right and they realized they had an issue with me being a female and leading and many issues of rejection that the Lord wants to deal with. So, we had a great talk as I encouraged him in what the Lord said and what he is doing if all of this is coming forth because he most likely is not the only one or the last one to have these negative thoughts.

So, let's see what Jesus had to say,

Good morning My Lord, my love and my friend.

Thank you for coming to my rescue. I woke up with many thoughts coming to Me and I realize it's you speaking to me concerning what I have been contending in my heart.

Jesus began,

“I am here for you, Beloved. As I stated, I brought you here to speak to your heart about many things. Do not shy away from our conversations, Beloved. It rather hurts Me. I long to share with you much and give you much clarity about many things—and give you   many revelations to come. Not just for you but for your flock. They have been hungry for deep words of love, encouragement, revelation, and mysteries from me. I have that for them if you come daily before me and sit to hear my voice. I will speak to you about many things, My little one

“So, let's address what has been bothering you. I want to help you to sift through the lies and the truth. What only matters, Beloved, is My opinion of you. You know that right?”

Yes, Lord.

“I am also dealing with your pride in caring about what others think, and your fear of people seeing your imperfections, as well.”

Yes, Lord, I submit to your instructions and words. Even if some of these things are true, then I want to see them in the light of Your mirror and help me to change, Lord. Help me to change.

“For starters, My little one, you are a wonderful mother. You are not perfect, but you carry My heart deeply for each soul. You feel deeply as well and can see deep within a soul. Past emotions and words as a mother should, to discern what is really going on. So, be at peace, My beloved, I am pleased with you. As you grow and mature more and more beautifully.

“The enemy will continue to use weak souls as instruments to slow you down, to discourage you with their words and actions. Many times, they will be your own children. There will be times when you can be easily used by the enemy as well. Are you surprised at this? In those moments come to Me in repentance and I will give you my perspective instead, as you have always done. I share with you, so you and your children know that no one is exempt from this. On the mountain, you faced this, and many times you were corrected, and many more times those you were leading were corrected by their resisting and or murmuring against your leadership. Do not be troubled or disheartened. Unfortunately, this will be ongoing as it was for many of my servants I called to lead. Moses was leading millions in the nation of Israel, and he got to a point when he cried out to Me because they wanted to stone him out of frustration. David's own son, Absolon, rebelled against him and also betrayed him wanting his father's role and leadership. Abraham’s servants began to bicker with Lot’s servants. So, there was division within his house, so much so they had to separate and go their own ways.

“I was questioned, I was doubted, I was misunderstood, I was denied, and I was betrayed. So, you see, Beloved, you are in great company (Jesus said this smiling)”  

Well, when you say it like that, Lord, thank you.

“So no longer look to man, even your spiritual children to understand you or validate you, Beloved, that is a form of pride. I knew who I was before the Father and that was enough for Me. My job was to lead, teach, correct, guide, inspire, and most importantly, love them—that when I left they knew how much the Father loved them because of how I have loved them”

John 17:25-26

“Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. 26 I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

Hmmm—as I pondered that scripture.

“When a person knows they are loved they will follow a leader anywhere. Can you ask yourself, have you loved them well?

In all honesty, Lord no. Lord I could always do better.

“Well, being an online community has its limitations, but you can show it in your care, in your follow-up, in the time you make for them, in your reaching out, in your carrying their burdens which you do well by the way, in your prayers and with words of affirmation an encouragement. Many of your little ones have been wounded one way or the other and one word of affirmation, a thank you a show of appreciation from you would mean so much because it’s coming from Me too.”

Okay Lord please help me to do much better.

“I know you have been going through a difficult season a long one for some time now. And they, too, don’t realize the suffering and burden you carry. You go through so much silently and it's for souls and much on their behalf, and I know many times you feel alone or misunderstood. But remember, I told you a while ago that is a mark of My spiritual mothers and fathers looking to me alone and at times I will give one of our children light whom you can lean on from time to time to get relief and to receive comfort. But many times, it will just be Me. You are called to suffer—to birth not only their destinies but their mission as well. And many more spiritual children you will have. We will keep birthing your children together until I come for you, and you will continue to be in labor, and labor for them, although they may not see it or appreciate it sometimes. Those who I have called to follow you as they follow Me will be tremendously blessed by yielding and submitting to your care, corrections, and leadership.

Now, to My beloved children, although some of you may be grown in stature I see every single one of you as children who need to be formed, guided, corrected, loved, and trained under your little Mother. Many have seen several different flaws in her nature and that is quite normal. The closer you get to a person the more flaws you see but it can also breed familiarity and a lack of respect or honor for whom I have made her to be in your life. And that is what I am addressing, My beloved doves.  Correction comes two-fold. She has received hers in love and I want you to receive yours in love as well. You all are a beautiful and wonderful group, but there is an infection in some of the hearts and I do not want it to spread. I am raising many of you to be giants of faith, well-equipped spiritual mothers and fathers. I have brought you here under Heartdweller Africa to become a saint. Do you know what a saint is? A soul who perseveres in the will of God and you have to be tried and tested, folded and shaped by fire and by a leader who always will draw and call the best out of you and correct what’s in you that needs to be adjusted, or you will be like all the deformed souls walking.

“Yes there are times where she wants to control certain outcomes or situations as a Mother, and we are working on that. But for the most part, she has allowed many of you to lead and step up in different areas to execute and implement. You must know when change comes to you it's not from her but from Me.

“What you see as Bossy is a leader who walks and speaks in My authority, executing My instructions to you.

“What you see as strict is Me disciplining you to be faithful, to be obedient, to the task and instructions I have given you. My beloved ones, do I not discipline those I love?   

Hebrews 12:6

Would love leave you in a state knowing it will lead you to be less than I have called you to be?

“What you see as scolding is My loving reproof of things in your character and nature that needed to be adjusted so that you can also lead souls, raise souls and birth souls onto holiness.

What you see as demanding is Me calling for your obedience.  Obedience is steps of faith that lead to your destiny. I require much of you because much has been given to you and I do not want to see you sorely shamed and sad on that day when you realize all that you could’ve done for Me but didnt. So, I have given you a mother who will call you to it and help you do it

Many of you are being pulled out of complacency, laziness, comfortability, and insecurity. I have brought you to little Mother to be stretched, to be pulled, to be refined and molded in the warriors of love I have called you to be. Each of you is called to be a saint and that cannot happen if you continue to want your way, fear the demands of the call, or furthermore, secretly murmur, complain, or despise instructions given to you.

“It is not her leading, but Me leading through her. Sometimes in very known, ways and other times in conspicuous ways that you do not see. So do not take her suggestions too you lightly, or disregard her counsel, or furthermore, make a joke about it. The fight this particular group and community you have ahead of you is fierce, and all of this is training for those moments when the enemy will bring in thoughts, lies, divisive thinking, and even divisive people to cause division or cause you to question and oppose leadership.

“Know that the training I did with your little mother was very unique and those who follow her are called to the same discipline and training. I am narrowing your journey of holiness to give Me more, to do more, to submit more, to obey more, and to love Me more, that all I say you will do because you want My will more than anything else. And she is the tiniest and perfect fit to do just that and that goes the same with Mother Clare.

Share this message with her community as well because thoughts have been running in the hearts of many at different times. But My love continues to conquer the enemy's plan of division and doubting or questioning her leadership. My love through both of you and for both of you and your communities will conquer every single time. So, stay encouraged My valiant women of valor.”

That was the end of Jesus' message.

Being a spiritual mother to those who are called under me, can easily forget that I will be held accountable for their soul. So, it is something not to be taken lightly and watched over closely in love, versus managing a group in the corporate world. It does require cooperation and obedience from the souls. I thought St Therese Of Lisieux summed it up better than I could explain.

This is a reading from Mornings with St Therese —120 Daily Readings. The title is, “A Little Bitterness.”

“God has given me the grace of having no fear of a fight. I will do my duty at any cost. More than once I have been told by my spiritual children to whom she was giving spiritual direction to: “If you want to succeed with me, being severe is of no use. You will get nowhere unless you are gentle.” But I know that no one is a good judge of his own case. If a surgeon performs a painful operation on a child, the child will scream and say that the cure is worse than the disease. But after a few days when he is cured, he is delighted to be able to run about and play. It is exactly the same where souls are concerned. They soon realize that a light bitterness is better than sweetness”