Abandon Yourselves To My Perfect Will
- Administrator
- Sep 21
- 5 min read
September 11, 2025
Hello Family, this is my Journal on my 14th day in solitude, Fasting and in Silence with Jesus. I have always been comfortable being alone. I can do without company for long periods of time.
This is going to be a difficult day. I am weak and my soul is not at peace. I'm very restless. The Lord is talking to me about abandonment. Total abandonment to what He is doing in my life. In Solitude, I am enjoying praying the five hours of the LITURGY OF HOURS. This morning, I have done the morning prayer. I have tried to read the Bible, but am not settled. I am restless. "I take your hand Jesus, and take my eyes off my circumstance and fix my eye upon you. You are faithful, and you are good. We are doing this together and with You, all things are possible. Jesus, I trust you, Jesus, I trust you, I trust you”.
During the day I have twelve hours alone in this room and I must not waste the graces of this day. I pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet at 3 pm and I have started two Novenas; the Holy Spirit and the Surrender Novenas. Every night at 7:30 pm I pray the Rosary before I leave for the prayer Room for the Night Vigil. These prayers are all done in silence. Jesus has been gracious.
I am thinking, my last seven days here, I should share some of the reconstruction that is going on in my soul.
One major issue is Control. In my youth I worked as an administrator and what an administrator always wants is to be "hands on", to be in control. My carnal nature does not like leaving issues to fate, or third party. This has been a weakness in my walk with Jesus. It has been a struggle. I am now convinced of my folly. I have seen how miserable a soul I am. How truly I have no power to affect anything good on my own. Really, I have no control over anything. This attitude is an illusion. Now I know it has always and will always be God's Grace providentially managing affairs in my life.
And, now I know the times I cooperated with His will and with His graces in any situation, that’s when all went well. And how I thought how smart and able I am. And now I know whenever I failed, I landed into very difficult, painful situations, because I failed to cooperate with His graces. I failed to abandon myself to what He was doing in my life and I wanted to do my own thing.
I remember, one day (I think this was God training me) Jesus asked me to apply for running a gas station, to get a dealership from a petroleum company. I wondered, Lord I have no cent, I have no money, how is this going to happen? Anyway, I obeyed. I was called for an interview. After several weeks I was called in by the management for a meeting. But, before I went for the meeting I popped in to see my spiritual mother, at that time, and asked her to pray over me. While she was praying over me, the Lord said, “Tell him he's going to be asked if he has any money. Tell him by faith and because he is trusting in me, he should say Yes. That's exactly what happened in the meeting. I was asked by the management if I had any money.
I said “Yes”, by faith. And, you know what, they were asking me because the management had chosen me. They wanted to recommend me to the board of the company so that I would be given the gas station. It was a very strategic gas station, only two kilometres from the Port of Mombasa. Within two weeks I was called in, I remember very well, it was a Saturday, I was given the appointment letter to run the gas station.
This was the Lord's doing. I know He can do much more in my life; in our lives than this than this, but my carnality hinders His hands many times. These past two weeks I have seen how I interfere with His graces by trying to put my hands in the cooking pot and messing up stuff.
Let me end my journal by sharing an excerpt of a message by Jesus to Mother Clare, entitled " The Disease of this World is Self-Will
Clare begins
Lord, is that you or Mother? "Both," they chimed in.
Jesus began,
"Clare, our hearts are so united, her thoughts are one and the same with Mine. Even as you and I are connected, you can imagine that she is even more connected with Me. In fact, of all living, her connection is the most perfected.
"It comes from a complete relinquishing of self. True is the statement that ‘If you lose your life for My sake, you will surely gain it.’ Very few recognize the act of power they are doing when they give their lives to Me, NO STRINGS ATTACHED.
"The disease of this world is self-will. It comes from a lack of faith in Me and a desire to keep what should be shared and given up, namely your lives. Some souls have strongholds of self-sufficiency, self-will and PRIDE. They are convinced that they know what is best and will not yield their lives to Me. They hold on tightly and will not let go. I cannot use them; they are bound to a mediocre life drifting around according to their own desires.
"Children under instruction, I can only use those of you who totally abandon yourselves to My perfect will. Then I can do wonders with you. Look at what I have used Clare to do in your lives. She is a perfect example of someone who wandered around in self-will for 40 years. She was indeed a Christian before that, but had not yielded her life to My plans. So, for 40 years she led a rather lacklustre life, always wanting to be used but never fully yielded.
"My heart goes out to you who are holding on for dear life to your own will. It takes a tremendous amount of grace and poverty of spirit to be able to admit, ‘God, I've made a mess of my life. I am tired of myself. I give it all to You. Do with me as You please. I'm over myself."
"In your lives I bring many breakings and some triumphs until you finally understand that without Me you can do nothing of enduring worth. Indeed, unless the seed falls to the ground, it will not bear fruit. But if you do yield your life up, then I can multiply your victories and fruit, some 20%, some 50% some 100%, End of excerpt. (You can find the whole message on her website).
Family, let us ask the Lord for the grace of humility to help us surrender control to Jesus and accept this eternal truth that we can do nothing without Him.
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