Surrendering My Self Will

June 25, 2025

Hello Family. I share with you my journal on my 5th Day in Solitude with Jesus. The Lord Jesus has been faithful; He has given me supernatural strength. For some reason, I have considerably reduced my consumption of water. Honestly, I am dying for cold water but that is not very wise for someone fasting. We did our Lord’s Supper together (with Mother Caroline) and the Lord led us to pray for "First Borns in Families". By the way, Mother Caroline and I are Heartdweller Africa missionaries called to Ghana under Mother Mary Elisha. We live at the Mission House in Mankessim, Ghana.

Jesus called me to separate myself from the world in solitude and fasting for 21 days, which coincidentally ends on the day of Pentecost. I am to be in silence during the day, and at night do an all-night Vigil before the Blessed SACREMENT.

Before I start my night Vigil at 11 pm. I spend two hours with Mother Caroline doing the Lord’s Supper. In the 21 days, I am to abstain from food, and I am allowed to only drink water. During the day I read and meditate on the Gospels, the Diary of Mother Faustina, and I catch up with sleep. Mid-afternoon I pray as inspired by the Lord and I read other spiritual material, especially on Saints.

In the beginning, I did not understand why I had been called into solitude, but Jesus has made it clear now; it is to break my SELF-WILL. Jesus is revealing to me the condition of my soul. I am seeing how I have been an enemy to myself, and how I have confessed Jesus as my Lord but really still striving with him by allowing my self-will to be in charge. Pride, stubbornness, and arrogance must break. My self-will has been a hindrance to the plans of the Lord for me and an obstruction to the fulfillment of His Divine will in my life.

Like all souls, from the time I was born, I am reliving the Life our father, Adam lived in Eden.

Every moment we have a choice, like our father Adam, to either submit to the will of God or to our own self-will. Man was created with self-will. Like many sincere born-again souls, I strive to live in obedience to the word of God as revealed in the Bible. Guys this is not enough. Each one of us has a daily unique challenge to submit to the will of God in what he is doing and allowing in our lives. This has been my failure and a hindrance to what the Lord wants to fulfill in my life. I am like the young rich ruler; I am obedient to the moral law of God but am resisting the daily demands and promptings of God. How I have wasted graces these past decades by striving with God. The contradictions, humiliations, disappointments, inconveniences, sacrifices, losses, and my limitations were all allowed by God for my formation, but I have been blind and deaf. I have been resisting these workings of the Lord, even praying against them. This self-will is what Jesus is convicting me of, and He wants it broken willingly, by my consent.

Jesus has spoken to me through the life of Joseph, the Son of Jacob. I invite you to Read the story of Joesph in Genesis Chapters 36-40. At the end of the story, Joseph recognized that all the pain, suffering, and humiliations, were the hand of God. This is what he says in Genesis 50:20 (NLT) He is talking to his brothers here. He says:

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people."

In his youth, Joseph was shown visions that revealed he was going to be some sort of a ruler. His parents and all his siblings would be subservient to him. His brothers hated him for these visions.

But what Joseph went through before the vision came to pass was full of contradictions. First, his brothers plotted to kill him. Secondly, they sold him as a slave. He was falsely accused by Potiphar's wife. He was unjustly jailed. I’m sure during this time (I think it was almost 10-5 years. I’m sure Joseph just wondered, “What in the world is going on, where is God in all this?” Maybe he even doubted the visions that he had seen, because it was all darkness around him.

Jesus revealed to me throughout these trials there are prayers Joseph prayed but the Lord did not answer. All the suffering was part of the plan for his destiny. The Lord specifically led me to this passage in Genesis 40:1-15, 20-21, 23 (NLT)

Some time later, Pharaoh’s chief cupbearer and chief baker offended their royal master.

Pharaoh became angry with these two officials, and he put them in the prison where Joseph was, in the palace of the captain of the guard. They remained in prison for quite some time, and the captain of the guard assigned them to Joseph, who looked after them.

While they were in prison, Pharaoh’s cup-bearer, and baker each had a dream one night, and each dream had its own meaning.

When Joseph saw them the next morning, he noticed that they both looked upset.

“Why do you look so worried today?” he asked them.

And they replied, “We both had dreams last night, but no one can tell us what they mean.” “Interpreting dreams is God’s business,” Joseph replied. “Go ahead and tell me your dreams.”

So, the chief cupbearer told Joseph his dream first. “In my dream,” he said, “I saw a grapevine in front of me.

“The vine had three branches that began to bud and blossom, and soon it produced clusters of ripe grapes.

I was holding Pharaoh’s wine cup in my hand, so I took a cluster of grapes and squeezed the juice into the cup. Then I placed the cup in Pharaoh’s hand.”

“This is what the dream means,” Joseph said. “The three branches represent three days. Within three days Pharaoh will lift you up and restore you to your position as his chief cupbearer.

And please remember me and do me a favor when things go well for you. Mention me to Pharaoh, so he might let me out of this place.

For I was kidnapped from my homeland, the land of the Hebrews, and now I’m here in prison, but I did nothing to deserve it.”

Pharaoh’s birthday came three days later, and he prepared a banquet for all his officials and staff. He summoned his chief cupbearer and chief baker to join the other officials.

He then restored the chief cup-bearer to his former position, so he could again hand Pharaoh his cup.

Pharaoh’s chief cupbearer, however, forgot all about Joseph, never giving him another thought."

Jesus revealed to me if he had allowed the wine bearer to remember Joseph and inform, as Joseph had pleaded, and informed the Pharoah, and Joseph was released and probably sent back to his family his destiny and that of Nation of Israel would have been derailed.

So, I am in repentance on how I have strived with God by resisting what he has allowed. We really need to embrace all that God allows in our life that is against our liking. Definitely, we need to discern. I have been going around my mountain for years because of resisting the Lord. Self-will must be crucified now and kept in its grave, never allowed again to be active. It is a process. I know there are difficult times ahead because of this new enemy; having to wrestle with my own self. Lord have mercy.

Jesus, I surrender my will to you. I abandon my life to you. Do with me as you please. Give me the grace to accept all you allow in my life. Help me to cooperate with these graces hidden in pain, suffering, losses, humiliations, strife, adversity, trials, unfair treatment, and my weaknesses, and limitations.

Romans 12:3 (TPT) "Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes.”

Family until next time. May we abide in Christ.

1243. Surrendering My Self Will - Posted June 25, 2025.docx

Download DOCX • 75KB