Falling Is Part of The Journey

Hello, Brothers, Sisters, and Heartdwellers family,

I have been really struggling with discernment, sin, and confusion. I kept getting readings of obedience and I am still not sure what exactly it is the Lord is addressing but I know obedience is my protection. So when I am not obedient, He removes his covering for me to be sifted. My discernment has been all over the place and has caused much confusion and pain. I also know it’s a cross and it’s spiritual warfare as I keep getting enemies. So, may the Lord use this trial to bring to salvation all of our enemies.

This morning I found out some counsel, and a message I received, which I thought was from the Lord, was from a lying spirit. However, when I had others discern, they confirmed my discernment was fine. One minute I would get confirmation then the next a strong no. I was so confused.

I began getting fearful to hear from the Lord, but after my Rhema card that I pulled said “Repentance” I knew I had opened a door somewhere. I just wasn’t sure what and didn’t feel true contrition but rather frustration and resentment at this trial. So I came before Jesus saying,

Good morning, Lord, what’s on your heart? Lord, I ask for a grace of contrition to truly be repentant of my sins. There is still much confusion surrounding my reasoning and my discernment. Lord, I am not sure what to trust but I come to you in faith and surrender.

Jesus, what’s on your heart?

Jesus began,

“The words ring true, My little one, but it’s not about your beloved. I use everything. When I speak to your heart concerning an issue, You must believe that it can minister to others as well. I know this cross has been difficult for you, but it’s to purify you as well.

“With sin comes open doors for the enemy to come in and sift you for the purpose of pulling you away from Me. And you have been far from Me, Beloved. Doubting, full of fear, and lack of belief in anything. Surrender, abandon yourself to all that I allow and permit, and know that I am working deep within your soul to bring about the best possible good.”

I am sorry, Lord, I didn’t respond in obedience right away. Lord, please forgive me.

(And here I was talking about giving away the clothes).

Jesus responded,

“Yes, it’s a reality check to make you see how serious I am, Beloved, when instruction is given. Especially concerning charity and humility ─ and for you, that is holy poverty. As I have told you before, charity covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). When you begin to get lax in giving to others, helping the poor and needy, and rather start getting content in resting in comfortability, the pillars begin to shake, get weak and things began to crumble.

“Your connection with Me begins to crumble not because I pull away, but because your heart begins to pull away. And little by little your love for Me begins to wax cold. Also, your work with the poor and needy is like oxygen to the embers of your heart leaving it aflame for Me.

“That is work, Beloved, do not lose sight of that. Continue to gently remind your beloved and pray for him as well, that His heart would desire this with all its strength. That I may continue to use you both more and more to be extensions of My hands and feet by coming to the aid of others.”

Here Jesus is speaking of The Street Boys, the outreach, and helping others. When we returned from the mission trip, both Father Derrick and I began to feel lazy about the street ministry, especially with The Street Boys because they were a bit difficult, and we didn’t want to have to deal with that. Also, we haven’t been able to raise the money for the medical needs. We have been having car issues left and right and found ourselves frustrated a bit when people kept asking us for support when we needed to fix the car. However, the Lord showed mercy to us and wants us to continue to show mercy to others especially when they are difficult. Lord, help us.

Jesus continued,

“Keep nothing for yourselves except for what I okay and provision will pour from Heaven for all that you need.”

Lord, please help me.

“It’s doubt just creeping in again. Continue to write, Beloved. After a fall in discernment, it’s never easy, but it’s simply faith ─trusting that I am good and if you seek Me for bread, I will not give you a stone.”

But Lord that’s what I felt like this last time, and I got a snake. Here I am talking about seeking the Lord for discernment and getting confirmation and a lying spirit on top of it. So that’s what it feels like if I can be honest, when we seek you for discernment and a lying spirit enters instead.

“There are many factors when I allow that, Beloved. First, it’s to expose your attachments, and hidden sins, and to humble you. I do that to mature you. Although it feels like a punishment it is not, Beloved. The enemy takes full advantage of this, jumping on you with condemnation, fear, and shouting lies about My goodness and faithfulness to cause you to turn back, and worse, reject this grace and gift of hearing My voice in fear of falling again.

“Falling is part of the journey. When My beloved brides fall in any way, it’s an opportunity for them to experience My Mercy and it’s an opportunity for Me to come rushing to your side to pick you up and hold you tenderly to Myself and let you know that I love you”

Lord, what if you don’t come right away? There were days when I felt such a void, I couldn’t feel you or hear you. There was so much confusion.

“In those moments you must abandon yourself to My will as I allow you to taste the cross of feeling forsaken ─ but you are not, remember? I went through it on the cross to obtain the grace for you. So in those moments you, too, would trust the Father and in what He is doing. These feelings only last for a moment.

I had pulled a Rhema that said;

When you feel at moment most forsaken, I know the feeling well (when Jesus was on the cross)

Lord, sometimes it feels like an eternity.

(He was smiling) “Yes it can, and I permit it with those whom I trust dearly and those whose attention I am trying to get, concerning My displeasure in one of their actions or deeds. It’s also so you wouldn’t take My presence for granted, Beloved, but rather treasure and see how empty the world and all human affections are compared to Me”.

Well, it worked Lord, I was miserable although looking to get consolation from elsewhere. When I did, after that moment was over, I was sad because I just wanted You. Lord, please forgive me again. Help me to do your will and give me the grace to endure whatever trial may come as well.

“Your sins are forgiven little one. Don’t look at the horizon with anxiety, fear, or hopelessness. Look at it with trust and full of confidence in My faithfulness and My ability to carry you through anything. You just don’t leave My side.”

Yes, Lord, help me not to.

“I can sense your doubt in My words to you. Do not worry, Beloved, I will help build your faith in Me again and in My words to you.”

Thank you for your graciousness towards me.

That was the end of Jesus’ message.

Continue to pray for me, family, to overcome this trial and confusion in discernment. Thank you again, for your support and prayers. I do want to mention that we are still trying to raise funds for the street boys to all go and see a doctor and also our donations are a bit low again. We are needing support to carry us into the beginning of next month so that we can continue with the street ministry and outreach please think of us. Thank you. God bless you, until the next message.