Freedom From Abortion Part 1

November 4, 2024

Hello everyone. I want to start off by explaining the purpose of this video. Mother Elijah, who is Bishop over Heartdwellers Africa, asked certain individuals who have had experiences with abortions (how it affects us, those who have either had one—were in a relationship with someone who had one—or knew of someone who had one, second-hand) to kind of give our testimony of what we went through—the effects of it on our psyche, our physical, our spiritual, emotional. Also, just to share with you so that whoever hears this would either change their view or perspective on abortions.

Someone might even be hearing this and who's about to have one... We pray and hope that you will see things from a different light after you've heard this message and some of the others that will be posted on the Heartdwellers Africa channel, as well as Unsearchable Treasures.

Let's go ahead and get started. I do want to say that this is not anything that I've written down like most messages that I usually do. I usually write things down and I will go ahead and recite them, record them, and then edit them before putting it on YouTube.

But this one in particular, I've decided that I'm going to do raw, unedited, and off the top of my heart with the help of the Holy Spirit. So, the only thing that I will be removing from this audio is background noise and any major mistakes I might make, such as clearing my throat, sneezing, coughing, all those things. But okay, let's go ahead and get into this message in this video.

So, my story starts when I was 17 years old. I met this girl whom I was very attracted to, and I chased her around. She, at first, didn't give me the time of day. But after kind of what most people might say, “spitting game”—after I did that for, I don't know, it was probably four or five months, we eventually became official, got into a relationship, and started dating—started being sexually active. I was 17 and she was just a couple of years younger than me. And so, I believe I was a senior in high school and she was a junior, or she was a sophomore rather.

She was a sophomore, and our relationship was very—abusive—I'll have to say, is the best word that I can think of… on both of our ends, verbally, physically, mentally, emotionally... She came from a background where she was abused by her father physically, and she watched her father abuse everyone in the household. She had three brothers who also abused her. So, when it came to arguing and fighting and when it came to trying to settle disagreements, that was the only way that she knew how to do those things—to get physical with me.

So, me… I was the complete opposite. I just wanted to be loved. And I believe that she wanted to be loved too, but I think a lot of her emotions, she didn't know how to cope with. And so, when for lack of a better term—I cheated on her on more than one occasion—when she found out, she became very physical, and we would get emotional. We would cry. We would kiss and make up and all these different things. It was just a huge emotional rollercoaster at the end of the day—something that I wouldn't wish upon any two kids of that age. Eventually, another thing I'd like to mention is that there was a lot of alcohol, and a lot of drugs that were a part of this relationship. And so obviously that plays a huge role in the way disputes would start and end in our relationship. So anyway, at some point, she came to me and told me that she was pregnant.

I remember to this day having that phone conversation all those years ago. I remember what I was doing, where I was, and what time in my life it was—a few months before I was going to head into the Navy. I believe it was in February, if I remember correctly, it was around my birthday. She told me that she was pregnant, and she asked me how I felt about it. I told her the way that I had been taught and the way that I had known was that I was giving her the choice of whether she wanted to go through with the pregnancy or not. So, I told her, whether you want to keep it, I support you. I'm with you. And whether you don't want to keep it, I am with you. I support you. And I lay down that choice into your hands.

And so, I could tell that she was really torn about it. She didn't lean one way or the other. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what decision to make. Looking back, I can see that she wanted to make my choice, possibly the choice that led her to whatever decision she would decide to make—meaning that whatever I wanted was going to highly influence what decision she made at the end of the day. I think that's the case for a lot of situations, is the man’s ability to reassure and give hope to the woman that he has impregnated, plays a huge role in the woman's decision-making.

At the same time, she also had her mother. Her mother was telling her to keep the baby by all means. And she said that she would even be willing to adopt the child if she didn't want to keep it and take care of it.

At the same time, there was also her friend whom she was very, very close to and spent a lot of time with, grew up with, and had a deep friendship with, who was telling her that the best thing for her to do was to get rid of it because she said if you don't plan on being with him for the rest of your life… And seeing as our relationship was very rocky, with constant breakups, fights, alcohol, and drugs—she didn't have to make a really big case for the fact that she probably wasn't going to spend the rest of her life with me (her friend). So, her friend told her, if you don't plan on being with him forever, then you should get rid of the child. An interesting fact though, is that same girl decided to keep her child some years later, even though the man that she had the baby with, she didn't plan on being with forever.

But it's a little bit of a digress. But anyway, we decided—or she decided that she wanted to go through with the abortion. Leading up to the abortion, a part of me was happy because I knew I wasn't ready for a child. Part of me was grateful that I wasn't going to have to take care of another human being at that given time. And so, we saved up some money, and when it was time for us to go, her mother took her in her vehicle. No, I take that back. We drove together to the abortion clinic and her mother met us there. Her mother met us there, and her mother was very upset—she would barely look at me, didn't talk to me, and did not like the idea—did not like the idea, and she made it very obvious that she was against the decision we were about to make.

So, we sat there for a few minutes. She goes inside. I sat there and waited for some time. She comes back out, and she is crying profusely. Just bawling. Tears everywhere. Hurt. Broken. Wounded. In pain. Physically as well from the operation. And, uh, it was a hard moment —for all of us. Even though I look back I know in that moment, I was kind of numb to the situation—today, as I sit there in my mind in that same place, I'm in a place of remorse, repentance, and realizing that was a terrible mistake that we made.

Eventually, we would break up. I would go to the Navy. But as a single man, even no longer in contact with this girl, I had several times in my life where I would just break down in tears and in crying, realizing that I should have a child. There are birthdays that should be taking place. There are celebrations of life. There are moments of another person's childhood that I should be partaking in and caring for and listening to the giggles and laughs of a baby. And having another human in your life is a completely different dynamic than living for yourself and living alone.

Fortunately, the Lord showed me later on in my life that my child, which was a baby girl, ended up in heaven. I believe that because of God—He is the one that makes all things right. He makes all things good. And despite my mistakes, despite the murder that I, and my girlfriend at the time, had committed, God is merciful. He is good. And what the enemy had meant for evil, God meant it for good in our lives. Because later on in my life, I would go on to fight for those same unborn children—those same lives that don't have a voice of their own to defend themselves. I would go on to fight for them at an abortion clinic. But that's for another video and another message.

But I sit here today to tell you that the decision I made to end that life affected me as a man mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Those effects are residual, they stay with you, and they don't leave until you're healed by Almighty God, Jesus Christ. Until you surrender that situation and that sin, it forever haunts you, lurks you, and is with you.

Today I stand before you and speak to you as a man who is surrendered to God and has given that part of my life to him. He has healed me because of that surrender. But before God came into my life, I was an emotional wreck who constantly found myself trying to heal through my medicinal purposes—through drugs, alcohol, and other relationships.

So, if you're listening to this and you're considering these things, I tell you that choosing life is the best decision you could ever make. Choose life.