My Will and My Way

Hello brothers and sisters and Heartdwellers family. 

I have been still going through a rough trial with my emotions and thoughts. When I seek reassurance or encouragement, I am rather met with frustration and discouragement.

I found myself having feeling of resentment again, and rather becoming insistent in my communication because I wanted to be understood. I found myself resentful at the way I was being treated. Although the Lord already gave me a heads up about this trial, I was weary of the constant yo-yo of emotions because of complaint in my heart and holding grudges.

I went for a reading this morning and got such a strong reading – one on pride and the other on vain imaginations from Mother Angelica’s book, it read:

The Imaginations of Judas… (ouch.. I thought) It goes on to say –

“You know the strange thing about Judas? The scripture tells us that during the Last Supper, when the Lord gave him a morsel of bread and said, “What you are going to do, do it quickly”, Judas decided at that moment, to betray his Master (John 12:27-30). It was then that the devil entered into him. But up until that moment, Judas was entertaining thoughts of blasphemy against his Master. This man wasn’t the type of leader Judas wanted; he wanted a military leader. So for two or three years he entertained thoughts of greed, he kept them in his mind, his imaginations began to work overtime. His memory began to bring out things in the Masters life that he didn’t like. So these two faculties in Judas, his memory and his imaginations, were being utilized in bad ways.

You know, in your own mind you can have a party, a movie; your mind can be a whole house of good or bad fantasies. The Master said, that the enemy was “the father of lies” and “when he lies he is drawing on his own store” (John 8:44). Your mind is a store.

We are fighting visible foes, and invisible ones, how do we fight them? The foes that instill thoughts into the minds of men, women and children? You can fight with love. You can fight by giving your heart and soul to God. You can fight by controlling your imaginations and memory, by not harboring resentment, but being hurt, but not hurting in return; by avoiding occasions of sin, and people who try to lead you to sin. Many a mind needs a house cleaning. They are cluttered with ambition, filth and evil. We maybe be weak but we have within us the Spirit of the Lord God and we must call on the Spirit to help us control our imaginations and fill it the with things of God.

The next Rhema I pulled said –

Pride – There is Hope

It said:

So don’t let yourself be discouraged This is all part of the humility you asked for. Every bit of this serves a purpose to bring you closer to your goal. Please don’t cry anymore. Just take up a standard of righteousness and walk in MY courage and victory.

Then I got ‘Bind a Spirit of Mockery’ on the back of the Rhema card, it said –

A spirit of mockery is one of the worst imperfections of the mind, it displeases God greatly, so that He has often punished it most severely. Nothing is more hurtful to charity, and still more to devotion, than contempt and derision of our neighbor and is found in mockery. For this reason, it has been said mockery is the greatest insult a man can offer his neighbor.

I thought: For sure – ok the first two, that could be about me, but this is not about me.. (can you say pride, guys?..)

I went to the Bible Promises and sure enough I got “Holy Spirit” It was all about me.. oh boy..

Then the worship song He played was called: ‘My Will, My way’

So I came before Jesus,

Good morning, Lord,

I am so confused by the readings, I need your guidance and help to do Your will. Please get me out of my way. If there is any area that I am walking in pride, I renounce every spirit of scorn and contempt in Jesus name. Lord, please guide me and lead me.

I kept thinking ok I Lord I get it. Oh no I have fallen, please show me how and where I errored. I realized I also was contenting slightly; you see how I am still justifying my pride? Ok, I was contending with another decision Father Derrick made for our mission trip and many opportunities that were coming, and he was taking them. I began to wonder if all of this was in the Lords will. It was a gentle contention but in my heart I was really wondering if we were doing the right thing. And I see now how that’s pride again..

Jesus what’s on your heart?

Jesus began,

“Peace little one, Peace be at peace. I am here for you to still the raging seas of your heart. I always warn to forearm My beloved little one. These Rhemas and readings are to bring you to a place of not only repentance, but deep, deep, meekness.

By the way – I did get another card that said ‘Meekness’. And it said:

In your religious houses, unity and peace must be preferred to everything else/ These two blessings will be obtained if the religious bear with one another, submit to one another and treat one another with meekness, which is a source of peace and bond of perfection uniting hearts.

Man.. I’m really in the dog house..

“You must not desire to put yourself over another or desire control in anything. Get yourself out of the way beloved. The song I played is very clear My will and My Way. I am doing all that you have prayed and asked for, but in My will and in My way. So thank Me for it instead, rather than contending with Me and contending with others when things don’t seem to go the way you imagined. Your imaginations continues to get the best of you. Not only with false arguments the enemy uses to cause division between those you love, but also with vain imaginations of how things will come together. You continue to want to figure things out and when you think you see a glimpse of the picture, you try to piece the puzzles together – and may I say My little one.. you will be wrong every time. (He said that smiling.)

“I have so many surprises in store for you. Some will come in the form of contradiction and others will be consolations. But either way, I am the Captain of this ship and I am at the helm; your job is to trust and obey simply and enjoy the ride.”

Lord, it’s easier said than done..

“Its easy when you let go, let go once and for all beloved”

Oh Lord help me, this is so ingrained in my nature and since nothing has gone my way this long, when I do get ahold of something, I grab on to it to be my anchor and assurance that I am in Your will and things are going as planned. But I see now that is futile

“Yes grab on to nothing besides My hand My little one. Grab on to Me as opportunities come and even when closed doors come; I am in it all. Really come to a place of trusting your beloved leading in everything. Support always, rather than question, and then serve and encourage. If you feel something seems off, or there is a distraction that He cannot see, pray about it first. Come to Me about it first to discern, and gently wait for the right moment to bring up any concerns you may have. Then simply relinquish all to Me. Knowing that whatever decision He takes after you have prayed is My will and even if it’s not – am I not faithful to work all things out for your good? You succeed through failures; you learn through failures. So you also must let go and allow him to fail, if I will it; so that both of you may learn.”

Sorry Lord, this is such a bad habit of mine please help me.

“You are getting much better beloved, much better. But there is so much work to be done in your heart and soul as you climb this mountain of holiness. I have made My will clear to you and I told you to prepare for traveling, but you doubted My words to you. And here you stand with many opportunities for you both to be a shining light of My presence and love to all you meet in the itinerary that I have set up for you. Began to be very diligent in the outreach, be more intentional, faithful in praying, faithful in cooking and preparation for the food that goes out. You all have become a little lax and going through the motions, but this is a very important ministry to Me beloved and it is the stepping block which will lead you into the fulfillment of the work I have destined for you in Ghana, so please take it more seriously.

“There are so many who are in need and yes, you cannot do it all, but do only what I tell you and what I’ve provided for. I have provided that you may do more. There are people I have brought around you to help you as well, so take advantage of that. Do not be easily offended by their remarks, their attitude or even ingratitude. (andhere the Lord is taking about the street boys.) I never blessed those who deserved it, for all have fallen short of the glory of God and yet while you were sinners, I died for you. So I want you to do the same. Give and give some more. Try to meet the needs of those who approach you. Pray for the group and these street young man and women daily. I will give you all you need to meet their needs beloved.

“Pray for your beloved that his heart would be moved to pity for these ones and he would carry a greater burden for them. As you guys bless and are faithful to this, I will bless you so you can continue to be a blessing. Prepare yourselves with much prayer and sacrifice this week, as I go ahead of you to prepare the way. You both are being sent out for a dual purpose, allow him to take care of business, and do not lose sight that all of these opportunities are but instruments I am giving you to share My love and My llight. I am with you both, be at peace”

And that was the end of Jesus’s message.

Pray for me family. That I will allow the Lord to do things, in His will and His way. And you do the same.

God bless you.