Regret

November 3, 2024

Abortion. Man, what an ugly word. What an ugly concept it has come to be for me.

When I was much younger, well let’s say relatively younger, I had become fond of a girl. She was a roommate, with her brother, when I lived abroad as a student. I came very close to what I know now to be actual love because the amount of love I felt for her was at its peak—so I thought at the time—because it was so strong. I made many sacrifices for her. All I wanted was for her to be happy. At some point, she conceived, and the decision was that she would take a pill. I didn’t know any better… I only pictured my mom yelling at me and my dad giving me that disappointed look that many times was a heavier blow than the actual words. So I said, “Yeah… get rid of it… because I wouldn’t know how, or what to do if I were to become a dad right now. I wouldn’t know how to take care of a baby”. And, that was without mentioning, really, the part where I would feel shame to become a statistic.

Ever since my youth, I had a love of self that wasn’t normal. I always wanted to be the oddball—either the one who seemed out of control when there was control in everyone else, or the one who seemed to have it all together when everyone else was struggling. And, as I’m sharing this right now, I realize that this self…, this part of me needs to die. So pray for me. In fact, let me pray now;

Lord forgive me for having served the god of self for this long, even after having professed so many times that You were the one I loved. Forgive me Father, and thank You for having been so patient with me. So today, by the blood of Jesus Christ, I renounce the god of self, and enthrone You, Jesus, in Your mighty Name, which Is above all other names, I pray. Amen.

Well then, continuing with the story, she got rid of it. To my knowledge, I don’t think she felt remorse until today, nor did I, for that decision. As a matter of fact, I made a sigh of relief.

Yes, that’s how lost we were. And if that had been the only time, I would have probably forgotten all about it. Unfortunately, it was the first of many.

She ended up never really wanting me long-term, as her man. She always had her eyes on another. And I would lie if I said that it was a surprise because I was always aware of the competition.

A few years later, I came to be in another relationship that was very serious. And she had many herself…, many abortions…, under the pretext that we were not ready yet. I did feel bad, but like I said, it was because of the shame that it would probably bring to my parents. And so, as soon as the pregnancies were over, I would release that sigh… I would feel relief as if to say, “I’m glad the worry is over…”

That one too, ended up parting ways with me. But after that one, I met my wife.

Something strange happened, though, after my first son was born (well, the one who was born…). This anger rose up within me after I beheld him. This feeling that relentlessly kept tugging at my heart that said, “This was the best thing that ever happened to me…” and it angered me… I called my mom, and I told her, “Why didn’t you tell me that having a child was the biggest blessing in the world? Instead of telling me that it was a burden, instead of telling me to beware of it… Instead of making me afraid to have one… You could have said what it really was. You could have told me how you feel about me, how it feels to have me as your son, and simply warn me to be careful to have it under the right circumstances. I told her, “Mom, you lied to me…” Because now I truly understand how God loves me… I truly understand unconditional love and how I am to even love my wife…

Man… I love my boys! I have two now, and they both are able to see in the spirit. They saw many of the weapons that the Lord gave us as Heartdwellers before they were revealed to us. I thought they were just inventing stories from their imaginations, but that was not the case.

Brothers and sisters, I have killed many of my own children, unknowingly, unconsciously, thinking I was doing something for the greater good. I made a mess of my bloodline. I made a mess with these murders. Yet He still chased after me… He still loved me and chose me… I still don’t know why…

I’m here today to tell you, my dear brother, my very dear sister, that child is a blessing. Don’t worry about the circumstances. Don’t even care about what anyone would say, don’t worry about the shame that may come with having it… Because Jesus also took that shame to the cross…

Would you like to add anything, Lord?

And Jesus began;

“My son, My heart would never change because My children mess up or slip up. When you conceive, it is Me that is extending an additional part of myself, trusting you with more of Me. Oh My children, how it pains me that My tears flow due to rejection in that way. It’s one thing to deny Me as your God, and yet another that you would cut off My limbs—as they are a part of me. Your conception is the fruit of My mercy to you. It is the fruit of my unconditional Love for you. It is another way for Me to receive love from you, to care for me as My own mother did when came to redeem your soul. It is your opportunity to love me like My Mother did, to care for me as My father did. Will you please behold Me in your arms in that way? Regardless of the circumstances? You will never fathom the Joy I will feel…”

And that’s the end of Jesus’ Message.