Speak Boldly and Gently About the Sins You See, Healing Exercise

Hello, Brothers, Sisters, and Heartdwellers Family.

So, the Lord wants us all to go deeper into our hearts and to bring about healing of the soul. Many of our souls are fragmented by different traumas that happened to us. We are conditioned, like files in a desk, to file away that pain or trial, not realizing it created a negative effect on our soul if the pain wasn’t dealt with properly.

It creates a wound that, if not healed, creates a trigger. It then becomes a root in our souls, affecting our hearts. When we have negative roots, they can become infested with all types of demons assigned to cause havoc in our lives and our relationships. We must first deal with the wounds and then begin to deal with the idols. Many times, idols in our lives can come from wounds we have incurred. So, we lift something else up on the throne of our hearts. That brings us more comfort, gives more affection, and a sense of security, more than we trust God.

Jesus has made it clear that Satan and his demons set up landmines for us daily to cause us to explode and react in our flesh. They know us so well ─ better than we know ourselves. But Jesus wants us to attain self-knowledge ─ to become self-aware ─ to know ourselves so we can see the enemy. When he comes with temptations to cause more injury, we won’t fall for it.

During all of this [self-reflecting], I received the Rhema, “I want you to speak boldly and gently about the sins you see”. Many times, when I get that Rhema, it’s about those around me and the Lord wants me to address something that I have been seeing. However, this time it was about me. He was showing me sins and idols in my heart I didn’t realize I had. He wanted me to openly confess so that others would have the freedom to do so.

One of the idols I realized I had, is affection from my spouse. I had made his affection more sought after than the Lord’s affection. I relished the attention and would step away from the Lord, to spend more time with him. When I wasn’t getting that attention or there was a distance between us, I found myself down, discouraged, so emotional, and feeling no desire to pray. I realized I had made my spouse’s attention and affection an idol.

Another idol is honor and respect because while growing up, I was always contended with in the area of leadership. I was called to lead but the enemy always had someone assigned to frustrate me, criticize me, or cause strife. That was a painful wound of rejection.

Also, ministry became an idol. I found myself rushing to get out of prayer because of time, wanting to start on ministry work ─ because I had so much to do. I didn’t yearn or desire to listen to His voice. I didn’t make that a priority at all. During prayer, I would answer texts, phone calls, and messages. I was so distracted in this way for a long time ─ until the Lord made it clear I had lost sight of my “first love”. My first love should not be the work, to be with Him ─ to know Him and love Him. Lord, please forgive me.

Then He took me deeper ─ identifying roots that now had become triggers for me. Where did these roots come from?

My Roots were of Abandonment, Rejection, and Betrayal (which was being lied to).

Abandonment was rooted from my adolescence when my mom and dad separated. We continued to have a wonderful relationship as a family, and still do. So, I didn’t think it would affect me ─ until I came to the Lord. When I had trials, I felt so alone, and it reared its ugly head in marriage where I felt anxiety when I was left alone. If someone walked away from me when we were walking together; or if I was speaking to someone and they walked away, I felt the sting of abandonment ─ when they may have had no intention of that. It made me feel like no one understood me. It led me to easily isolate myself or keep to myself ─ while still having expectations of others.

Rejection was rooted from hurtful words said to me by schoolmates. Then again, my parents’ separation. And, especially when everyone, I mean everyone left my side when I began to follow Jesus and share about the Blessed Mother and being a part of the refuge. That was one of the most painful trials of rejection I have ever experienced in my life. Truly forsaken by all, especially by those I loved and those I thought knew me. I dealt with that, in various ways, at the beginning of my marriage when we were adjusting. In leadership, when someone contends with me, or disrespects or dishonors, me I feel rejected. It makes me feel like am not good enough, I am the problem, something is wrong with me. Insecure feelings in this way lead me to need to prove myself and take control. Or rather, I just remove myself from the person, situation, or group altogether. I am kind-hearted and friendly by nature, but this root made it always easy for me to cut people and things off cold turkey when I have done all I can and keep it moving. It also leads to self-pity, then to selfishness and justification of my actions especially in marriage.

Jealousy is rooted from my childhood. When I was compared to my siblings; when I was overlooked and dismissed, and another was chosen instead of me. I had experiences of that in the in the church. Then if I can be honest, in my marriage it showed its head too ─ jealous feelings. When I have these feelings, they lead me to compare, be discontent, and even resentful of the person whom I have jealousy towards. They make me overcompensate to get the attention or recognition.

Betrayal- being lied to.

This became rooted when I started dating. In most of my relationships, I was lied to in one way or another. Also, during my first business project, I had a business partner who took advantage of me. I vouched for him when the heat came, even cried for him, only to find out everything everyone said was true. He had lied to me. When this happens, I feel like a fool which touches my pride, which the Lord is trying to get rid of. I also feel the person has a lack of respect for me, and honor (which is pride). I then start to doubt myself, guard my heart, become suspicious about everything, and lose trust.

So, you see, all of us have wounds, triggers, and roots. Jesus wants you to take some time to sit with Him and allow him to show you any past trauma you have filed away but has injured your soul. He wants to bring healing to you.

So, we’re going to do an exercise now and play the song from Mother Clare called “Healing Waters”. I would encourage each of you to sit before the Lord in adoration. Have a journal and pen and ask him to show you areas in your soul that are fragmented and trapped because of trauma, pain, or wounds. It can be as big as abuse or as small as your boss yelling at you and not realizing it affected you. Ask him to also show you the idols in your heart.

Write down:

Lord, is there anything I love more than you?

Lord, is there anything I trust more than you?

Lord, is there anything I worship more than you?

Then ask Jesus, Lord, show me any roots I have that have turned into triggers.

When He shows you, write them down. Then ask yourself how that experience makes you feel. What did the experience you had, lead you to believe about yourself or about others?

So, take this moment and time with Jesus.

(Play music….)

(After the music is done…..)

I hope the Lord revealed much to you and you too are now able to speak boldly and gently about the sins you see in yourself. Ask the Lord to heal these areas. Afterward, repeat this prayer with me.

“I disable and destroy to the root all curses and demons lying in wait set to detonate. In Jesus’ Name, and all devices set inside my body to hinder our harm in any way. All spirits of oppression. Holy Spirit thank you for revealing these roots. Please reveal even more devices and teach me how to pray.” Amen

God bless you, family, until the next message.